so, its great i've had like 5 mental breakdowns in the past 2 weeks. my mind is just overflowing with confusion and stress. but on a good note, i called p&b about admissions and got an appointment and i decided im not even going to bother registering for uarts next year. so hopefully this beauty school ordeal works out for me. 

i have to keep telling myself only a few more weeks of hell. but its so hard & im so behind in everything i feel like such a failure.

all alone with no wheres to go.

except to a friend, the only one whos purely genuine

he's the one to help me through this mess in my chest. 

the stress in my mind and to my heart he helps me find

the life i want to lead, with happiness and worries freed

thank you isn't even enough for me to say to you. 

it feels good knowing that i have someone to call & listen & actually care. 

your an absolutely great friend. 

social sins

  

heres a series of photos i did for my photography class on social sins: drug abuse, excessive wealth, birth control. & pollution

my heart is torn 

my mind is blurred

my body is unconscious

to these decisions ive yet to make

which have caused nothing but wear on myself.

art school or beauty school. art school or beauty school. art school or beauty school. thats whats racking my brain right now. honestly i can barely focus on art right now, because im to caught up on the idea of im not good enough. no i am not failing, but i am not as skilled as half the other illustrators in my year. which is scary and worries me each and every day. i guess its because i want to be the best, more like i have to be. & well in illustration i'm obviously slacking. i think i might take the year off and go to beauty school and get my license, maybe then ill be ready to start my junior year at uarts. srsly thats if theyll hold my scholarship for a year, i really hope so. beauty school has always been something i wanted to do no matter what, i think now is the best time. its something i KNOW i will be the best at, because its something im so completely wrapped up and passionate about. 

ugh so much to think about. 

these rainy days are bringing upon rainy eyes.

drowsy skies accompanied by blurry smiles.

clouded memories of joyous days. 

happiness seems to be fading away. 

lately, i am in such a slump. just completely and utterly miserable, no happiness is present. I honestly have no idea what is going on. life is literally catching up on me and i can't handle it. my eyes twitch from stress as my hands shake with nerves. i cried for no reason in my  car, and by cry i mean bawled my eyes. i sat and wondered why am i crying and i couldn't even understand except it was everything. im just so tired of pretending everythings alright when everything isn't. money, school, my future, my mom. the fact that i dont talk about anything doesnt help either i guess. looks like im just gonna have to "suck it up" and smile and look pretty. thats all

xoxo 

living in creativity

lets paint the world and leave this residence of black and white

fill in the blanks with colors of enlightenment

draw a pathway to bliss

erase all this melancholy in modern life

well transfigure it into an artistic utopia.

as we pollute the skies with the bluest blues

well scatter the ground with the brightest greens

and let the reds and oranges float through the air

as the colors rise and flourishes the city.

flooding the faces with smiles

leaving only miles of light. 

for you and i to dance by.

let the stars glitter the night sky.

as the moon watches close by

they'll sprinkle the dust over the east side

as we engulf in the shimmer.

we'll paint the world with our happiness

hand in hand.